The foundation of a harmonious social life is mutual respect and understanding. Yet this ability to respect and truly comprehend others is not given to everyone. We thus encounter individuals of great harshness, devoid of delicacy and discernment, who seem unable to live without creating tension and conflict around them. Some nevertheless strive to cloak themselves in apparent respectability, affecting piety or hiding behind the prestige of an honorable profession. However, a person’s deeper nature cannot be concealed for long: sooner or later, it resurfaces, and a perceptive observer easily discerns what lies behind the mask.
How Can One Sink So Low?
Good manners are first formed within the family, then strengthened through social interactions. They rest on consideration and respect for each person, regardless of age or status, even though the ways of expressing that respect may differ. They include codes specific to each culture, but the very principle of respect has a universal reach. Not having received respect during childhood, and sometimes having suffered abuse, can explain why someone later struggles to respect others. And because we tend to reproduce the patterns we have known, both good and bad, a lack of respect often reflects a toxic family environment. Moreover, growing up with a constant sense of deprivation makes it extremely difficult, once an adult, to break free from it.
The Noble And The Ignoble
What makes social interactions pleasant is their ability to awaken our higher nature and to nurture our sense of self-worth. In this sense, to respect someone is to help them develop what is most noble within them, namely their soul and their mind. The other person is an end, not a means. Relational problems generally arise when the other becomes a means rather than an end. If I view another person as simply a way to satisfy my basic needs or as a source of money, I turn that person into an object—an instrument that serves my goals rather than a human being. Yet to be used in this way is to experience an alienation that denies our deepest identity and our humanity, and that is where the ignoble begins. Nothing is more unbearable than being treated as an object, and this mechanism lies at the root of all crimes against humanity (slavery, genocide, etc.). In reality, anyone who treats you as a means is not granting you genuine respect.
Spot The Early Signs
We often struggle to see the true nature of certain people, especially when they belong to our family circle, where we convince ourselves that we must accept everything. In other cases, it is our lack of caution in the early stages of a relationship that prevents us from unmasking them. Yet some signs are unmistakable and can guide you to distance yourself at the right moment.
Fear
Individuals with vile intentions are very often marked by a deep fear that permeates their words and attitudes. Disrespectful people reveal themselves through the content of their speech, which betrays them. Their heightened mistrust testifies to a hidden fear that constantly gnaws at them and places the primacy of necessity above humanity and compassion.
Lack Of Intelligence
Very often, the constant fear in which some people live prevents them from reasoning in a structured way and from sustaining a coherent discourse for more than a few minutes. Their mind, clouded by anxiety, cannot maintain logical and reasonable thinking over time. This intellectual and emotional weakness frequently manifests as a lack of respect, because respecting someone involves, even unconsciously, assessing the balance between what one gives and what one receives. When a person neither observes nor acknowledges what others contribute, through a lack of subtlety or intelligence, they almost inevitably slip into boorish behavior, which is a direct expression of disrespect.
Greed
Ultimately, those one should truly avoid almost always share a strong greed, that is, a deeply rooted lack of generosity. This flaw quickly exposes them to anyone who knows how to observe. The ability to give is a habit that must be cultivated; those who have never practiced it reveal themselves very quickly through their refusal to share. There are a thousand ways for generosity to be expressed: a smile, genuine listening, a hand on the shoulder, a coffee offered, a spontaneous helping hand. Conversely, those who have closed their hearts to let their greed flourish generally prove incapable of the slightest act of generosity.
You Have Everything To Lose By Befriending Such People
People change very little, and even less so as they grow older and certain tendencies become firmly embedded over the years. Thus, once you have recognized such individuals for what they are, the wisest course is to distance yourself from them, for they will only weigh down your daily life and disturb your inner peace. Let them harm those who choose to remain within their orbit, but do not sacrifice yourself for that. Do not lower yourself to imitate their attitudes; instead, show through your own behavior that another path is possible, one that is more generous and more just. All the same, avoid investing your energy in trying to change them: in most cases, such people hardly ever change.
